Professor Loki?
by JediKnightNightTerra
Summary: Loki, due to his rash actions on Midgard, is banished and bound to Hogwarts and is forced to teach in the place of Professor Umbridge. Thor is there to keep him in line, but Loki is as sneaky as ever, and does not tolerate this old woman's desperate attempt to get her job back...LOTS OF UMBRIDGE BASHING. Yes, I hate her with a burning passion.
1. Chapter 1

Prologue: "Loki of Asgard, the Banished One"

Loki grumbled and went back on everthing that happened within the past week. He lost the war in Manhattan, he was brought back to Asgard and thrown into a cell, then he was branded with a mark that bound him to a castle in Midgard and was banished from Asgard as punishment.

However, he didn't think Thor or the All-Father knew that this castle was occupied with sniveling, snobby children, ghosts, and weird looking mortals.

Or, perhaps Odin knew all along.

He sat across from an old man with half-moon glasses, a green hat, and green robes that reached the ground. He was still groggy from falling down the Rainbow Bridge unprotected by his armor. He barely even remembered being found. All he remembered was waking up in the hospital wing and wanted to escape, but these mortals were not like any he has ever seen before. They knew magic; except they used sticks to channel their energy and not their physical bodies.

"So, my old friend Odin tells me he banished and bound you here for a reason." the old man said. Loki glanced up at the old man. He kept his best poker face on to mask his surprise that Odin would even associate with an old coot like this guy. "Is that so?" he said, rubbing his eyes. His vision was still a little blurry from waking up not too long ago.

"Yes. I have heard that you have attempted to take over the planet using an alien army."

"That is true." Loki said. "But why would Odin bring me here?"

"He wants you to teach in the place of our current, and forgive me for saying this, most dreaded Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher." the old man explained. "He figures you can teach my students more things than that dreaded woman could ever dream of. You ARE a skilled wizard, are you not?"

"Wizard, no. I am no wizard. I am a god." Loki said with venom and arrogance in his voice. "As for teaching some silly little runts how to do magic...Well, you're just going to have to make me do this job. Otherwise, I refuse."

The old man sighed, and took off his glasses. "Your brother is also here to make you do so."

Loki looked behind him and saw Thor, waving, smiling at him. How he did not notice the big oaf there to begin with was beyond him. He made a disgusted face, then sighed. "Fine. I will teach your idiotic brats how to perform magic. However, these are my terms. They CANNOT bring those sticks to MY classroom. And this current teacher you want me to replace CANNOT interfere with ANYTHING I do. I also want access to any secluded room as well as any restricted area on the premissess."

The old man registered this. "As you wish." he said. "But I must warn you about the dangers that some of the places here-"

"I can handle myself, thank you." Loki said, glaring. "I am not a helpless mewling quim."

"Yes, yes." The old man said. "You shall start tomorrow then."

"Excellent."

Loki got up and left the room. Thor followed in behind him to make sure he doesn't do anything to harm anyone. He was sure he wouldn't, but knowing his younger brother, he would do something terribly unpredictable...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1: "Kids, Annoying Brothers, and A Toad"

Loki was hating it already.

He sat behind the class, silently observing how the woman teacher, Professor Umbridge, taught her children. From what he could gather, she was ruthless and annoying. No wonder the old coot wanted her replaced. It seemed like if someone defended a kid named 'Harry Potter' in any way shape or form, she would go absolutely bat shit crazy. He hadn't even been in the class ten minutes and her shrill, annoying voice was enough to make his ears bleed. Thor noticed Loki's discomfort sitting in the back, and he had to admit that the woman teaching was incredibly annoying.

Finally, Loki stood. "I honestly cannot take anymore of your annoying voice." He deadpanned.

Umbridge stopped, turned, and smiled at Loki. "I did not notice you there. Who might you be?" she asked. Loki took a breath and folded his arms. He really didn't like these robes. They were bland, black, and definitely not his style. "I am your replacement." He said. Thor grabbed his shoulder, but he shrugged it off. "Apparently, you're enough to make anyone go insane. I see now why the Headmaster might think so."

Umbridge laughed. "Replacement? Why would I need a replacement?" she questioned. Loki tabbed his chin and smiled a wide, sly grin. "I think I've already established that YOU ARE AN ANNOYING WOMAN."

"And you're not exactly teaching us magic." Muttered a student. Umbridge shot said student a deadly glare. Thor was feeling a little uneasy about all of this. Loki had willingly started an argument just because he thought Umbridge's voice annoyed him. Okay, so the woman had a shrill voice only a dog could hear, but still. There was no point in starting a fight about it. Umbridge stared at Loki with incredible distaste, but she smiled a fake, sweet smile. "Aside from being my replacement, who are you exactly?"

Suddenly, Thor was feeling ignored.

"I am L-" Thor clamped his hand over Loki's mouth. "I am sorry for my brother's sudden outburst. His name is Loki, and I am Thor."

A girl's hand shot up like a bullet. Thor sighed, turning to her. "Yes?"

"Why are you named after Norse gods?" the girl asked.

Loki wriggled out of Thor's grasp and brushed himself off like he was touched by something gross. "Because we are gods." Loki sighed. Thor scratched his head and glanced at Loki. "Technically, brother, you are a fros-"

Loki glared at him. Thor shut up and sat back down. "Excuse my idiotic brother." Loki said.

Umbridge was giggling like a maniac, much to Loki's dismay. Was this mortal laughing at him? "What is so damn funny?" Loki questioned.

Umbridge took a deep breath and exhaled. "I am sorry, but I do not think that I heard you correctly. Did you two just refer to yourselves as gods? More importantly, NORSE gods?" she asked. Loki wanted to kill this woman so badly. How dare she laugh at him? he glanced at Thor, and Thor gave him the same look. "Are you SURE it is wise to be laughing at me?" He strode up to the older woman. He was so much taller than her. He had to bend his neck just to meet her gaze. A smirk formed on his face and he snapped his fingers. Umbridge burped. Loki waved his hand past his face in an attempt to make the smell go away. Umbridge burped again, then glanced up at him. "W-what have you done?" She burped. "My breath smells like...Like...!"

She burped out the word "onions". Loki grinned. "You smell too much like flowers." He said. "Do not wear so much perfume next time."

Umbridge, embarrassed, scrambled out the classroom but tripped over her own feet and fell on her face. Loki laughed. "Be sure to sleep with one eye open, Ms. Umbridge. You just might find spiders in your bed."

The class went into an uproar. Thor kept it to himself, but he couldn't help but laugh. That woman had insulted him too, so he enjoyed seeing his brother use his mischief making skills to extract revenge. However, his brother was out of line. What was it that his father told him to do when ever Loki got out of line? He wracked his brain for the answer, yet it wasn't coming to him. Why wasn't it coming to him? He NEVER forgot a direct order. Suddenly, he couldn't remember anything. And by anything, he couldn't even remember his name.

Loki smirked and snapped his fingers. Thor stared blankly forward, mouth agape with drool seeping from his jaw. Loki figured he'd dispose of his spellbound brother somehow once he lost use for him. For now, Thor was his very own puppet. The Allfather took many of his powers from him, but he had to leave some of them in order for him to teach it. This spell, the one that allowed him to take hold of his brother's mind and use his body for his own personal injustice. The Thunder God would only see it as a dream when he woke up, if he even woke up from it. Loki never really perfected it.

"Okay, you sniveling rats" Loki said through his clenched teeth. "Let us learn something about REAL magic, and not that trash you use through those sticks. Matter of fact, put those away. No need for them."

The class groaned and did so.

He put his hands behind his back. "I have observed how you 'witches' and 'wizards' channel your energy through your sticks-"

"Wands, sir." Said one student. Loki growled and shot the student an angry glare. "I do not expect to be corrected by a child!"

His tone had the students leaning away from him in fear. He sighed, cooling his tone. "I'll set down some rules."

He snapped his fingers and a several slips of paper appeared on the students' desks; reading:

* * *

"Loki's Class Rules"

To correctly get through this class, you MUST follow the directions given. If not, then the result of not getting a certain spell right will most likely result in death or worse. I will NOT be held responsible for any 'accidents' that happen. If you are skewered by a mysterious blade, then it is not my fault. IF, by any chance, you get crushed due to summoning practice, then it is definitely not my fault. You're just an idiot if you cannot get summoning right. Anyway, do not, by any means, disobey the rules given. You WILL pay.

~.:Academic:.~

1.~ No correcting the teacher. No warnings, just a month long detention from yours truly.

2.~ You must have all materials in class. If not, no extras will be provided, but you will get a detention.

3.~ When ever you have free time, study. I will give a quiz out everyday if I have to in order for you to learn.

~.:Behavioral:.~

1.~ Fighting, whether it be magic or physical, will result in several months worth of 'extra practice'. If you are not cured of your violent tendencies then, I will feed you to my pet troll. He likes mortal meat.

2.~ Any bullying will result in being humiliated somehow or another in front of the class. If it's horrible, then you will die an equally horrible death.

3.~ Constant chatter will result in a class detention. No warnings.

~.:Incentives:.~

If you do everything you are told with no rebellion, you will get praised. However, you have to MAKE me like you. Do not go out of your way to do so however. All I'm asking is that you at least TRY. Failures will not get booted out of the class, but instead motivated to do better. I will give house points out to those who try, and when we finally get settled in, I will start an elite group for those who have tried their very best.

Remember, you have to TRY. Otherwise, I'm just going to give you a bad grade and humiliate you.

~Have a nice day!

* * *

The students all looked up from their paper simultaniously with an awestruck look. They then looked at each other and gulped. Loki had his hands behind his back in a patient manner. He glanced at Thor and waved his hand, which made him sit in a corner with a knife that seemed to magically appear in his hand. The Thunder God sliced his wrists, but his wounds healed. Loki made sure not to kill his annoying adopted brother. He did, however, enjoy seeing him physically harm himself.

"Do you see this man in the corner? If you were to disobey, you will end up just like him. However, you will not have an added healing spell." Loki said. "You will go home dead to your parents and no investigation will be performed."

The children gasped; all except Draco Malfoy who, with a grin, laughed at Loki's claim. "You wouldn't dare." he snickered. Loki squinted at the blonde haired boy. His desk bubbled on the surface like boiling water; and suddenly a hand shot out from it and grabbed his face. It pulled him downward into the boiling surface of the desk. Draco screamed bloody murder as the hot liquid seared his face off and drowned him; killing him with in seconds.

Loki glanced at the room. "Any more questions?" he asked.

The students shook their heads.

"Good. Now," he smiled. "You are not to speak of this young man's death. For if you do, then the same thing will happen to you."

The students nodded.

"ENTHUSIASM!" Loki growled.

The students nodded their head harshly.

"Good. Now, let us begin, shall we?"


End file.
